September 04, 2010, 06:07:35 PM
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Author Topic: The Flames [a poem by me :)]  (Read 202 times)

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Offline Merien

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The Flames [a poem by me :)]
« on: January 13, 2010, 10:18:57 PM »
Tell me what you guys think :)

On the edge of
A plain
I stand
Flames licking at
My
Skin

The world is
On
Fire
Hatred, Greed and
Power
Consume
Everything
But no one
Stops

No one
Sees

They walk
With their
Eyes and
Ears
Sewn Shut
Mouths Moving in
A constant
Downpour of
Broken Promises
And
Forgotten Dreams

Drowning the
Poor and
Hungry and
Maybe even
Those who
Actually
See
The
Fire

Our World is
Burning but
No one
Tries to
Open their
Eyes
And help
Put it
Out
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No one holds command over me. No man. No god. No prince. What is a claim of age for ones who are immortal? What is a claim of power for ones who defy death? Call your damnable hunt. We shall see who I drag screaming to hell with me.

Offline Darkmagick

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Re: The Flames [a poem by me :)]
« Reply #1 on: February 01, 2010, 03:20:48 PM »
Oh, cool~  This is quite good. ^_^  Though I may be a bit biased, since I'm a fan of the broken-up sentence line style myself.  I really like your creative use of capitalization.  It fits the poem quite well.

Though, in the first two stanzas, you may have overdone the sentence breaking-up a little bit.
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